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It’s never a dull day in Trumpland and when Elon Musk — part-time tech mogul, full-time Twitter troll and CEO of everything — logged on to his very own platform last night to accuse his now-ex-bestie Donald Trump of being featured in that still-secret Jeffrey Epstein list, the timeline exploded with a collective “OMG”.

“Time to drop the really big bomb: (Trump) is in the Epstein files,” Musk tweeted, claiming this is why the files haven’t been released yet. To make matters juicier, he claimed that without his $300 million in campaign funding, Trump would’ve lost the 2024 election.

Trump’s response? Threatening to cut off government contracts to Musk’s companies — proving that even when billionaires fight, it always comes back to who’s paying the bill. Musk even responded “yes” to a tweet calling for Trump’s impeachment.

It’s only gone downhill from there, as two rich men who think they are the bastions of free speech try to take each other on.

Needless to say, the bromance is over and the internet is treating it like the celebrity breakup of the decade. Beyoncé and Jay-Z could never.

Breakup of the decade

The reactions on X are nothing short of spectacular. It’s giving Taylor versus Katy Perry but for conspiracy-pilled uncles.

Musk’s actual ex Ashley St. Clair jumped in to offer Trump breakup advice. (Yes, we’re in hell. Yes, it’s entertaining.)

Users asked for privacy for the grieving exes.

Decisions, decisions

One user asked the most pressing financial question of our time:

A custody battle on the horizon?

Some expressed concern for the collateral damage — the toddlers caught between feuding parents, including US VP JD Vance and South African-American tech entrepreneur David Sacks who is Musk’s friend and heads artificial intelligence and cryptocurrency policy for the White House.

From simping to snitching

Others reshared Musk’s old tweets like the ghost of bromance past. It’s Shakespearean. It’s Jerry Springer. It’s Succession meets Gossip Girl written by Reddit mods. And it’s happening on a $44 billion website whose biggest feature is now watching its CEO spiral in real-time.

Musk said it, not us

And let’s not forget the tweet that will now live in infamy:

Time’s money

Another user posted a screenshot of Musk’s tweet and declared it an “instant contender for most expensive tweet ever sent.”

What’s next?

People had some predictions about what’s happening to Musk next.

Kendrick versus Drake part 2?

All in all, the internet is in absolute shambles and no one knows where this is headed, but if this ends with Trump trying to deport Musk or Musk threatening to launch Trump into orbit, no one will be surprised. All we ask is that they livestream the next fight — ideally on X Spaces with Joe Rogan as moderator.

Until then, America’s messiest couple has officially split. And in the words of one user, “I couldn’t have wished for a messier breakup for a more deserving couple.”